There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
