i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
