I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize