I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
