Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
