..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
