I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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