somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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