well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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