we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So. Much. Porn.
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