I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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