forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
