im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize