Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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