brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
