Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
