I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
