We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
