You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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