The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
