so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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