Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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