dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
