I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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