can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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