i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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