Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
