i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
