OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
