i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
