Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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