totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
