After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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