Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
