She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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