maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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