You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
