So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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