Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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