Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
