first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
