the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
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we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
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Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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