is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
