So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize