Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
