So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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