yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
