shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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