How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
