I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
