I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
