what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
