I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
