I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We just shotgunned beers for America
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
