the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
