Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
