Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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