My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
