I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
