We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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