Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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