do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
