She said her name was "party"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
