our cab driver is having phone sex.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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