He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
