There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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