if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
