honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
