I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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