AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
