didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
zippers are such a cool invention
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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