why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
