You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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