do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
