please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
